When stepping into the vast deep cavern of divorce, I find that women make a handful of mistakes that prevent them from moving forward in their life in a powerful and constructive way.
I have compiled this list based on my findings and personal experience in hopes that it may help women notice what it is they need to work on in themselves in order to move forward towards that happier and more fulfilling life.
1. Feeling Shame
Shame is a destructive emotion that weighs on you and can cause depression. Feeling shame just for the fact that you are getting a divorce is a destructive thought pattern, yet everyone that goes through it feels it at some point. Subdue those irrational thoughts by knowing that divorce is super common and touches everyone in today's society.
Rather than feeling shame we should celebrate that fact that we are able have a divorce and free ourselves to new opportunities for love in the future. You get one life, what you do with it is up to you. Staying small because you feel shame or embarrassment is not serving you or your higher purpose in life. Let go of those self-sabotaging thoughts and those shame-bags that hold you down.
2. Not Setting Boundaries
Know what it is you want, and draw a line and hold it there out of love for yourself. Boundaries are to protect yourself from being overused by other people. The problem with them are people do not know how to make them or how to hold them in place.
In your divorce, you want boundaries with you Ex. It may be around how you split things up, including custody and time with kids. Know what you want and know what is reasonable, and do not let yourself cross your own line.
3. Staying a Victim
Sitting in a place of victimhood does not serve you. At some point you need to take responsibility for you from here on out. No matter how wrong he has done you it is your responsibility to heal and move on with your life.
4. Not Grieving
Stuffing the sadness down and going out to party is not going to help you get over your ex. You actually need to feel the grief, have some really good cries, and just sit with the silence sometimes in order to process it.
5. Getting a boyfriend too soon
Jumping from one relationship to the next does not give you time to grieve or to process the relationship. You will not learn all you are meant to learn from your other relationship and risk bringing all those mistakes with you into the next relationship.
You are only really ready to date and to commit to a new relationship when you fully love and appreciate yourself. Enough to stay single rather than compromise and be with the wrong guy. Only the most evolved version of you can recognize what that is.
6. Not learning the lessons
You need to own your part in what went wrong. Learn where you feel you made mistakes and decide how you would want to handle those situations going into the future. This makes you a healthier person and more ready for your next relationship.
7. Expecting friends and family to take sides
I know it sucks for your friends and family to continue to have relationships with him. But you brought him into the family and you wanted them to love him, you don’t get to just take that away. Take the high road here and don’t share your private stuff with the friends or family that are connected with him.
8. Not getting independent
Relying on him for all your needs is not going to work from here on out. Get out, get on your own and create a supports structure of friends and family that you can count on. Start stepping out of your comfort zone and do things for yourself that you never did before. This program will give you the tools and support to do this.
9. Creating conflict with ex
Fighting at this point is not going to serve you. Trying to be amicable is the best way to get through divorce, especially if you will have to co-parent with him.
10. Not getting emotional help
Most women will not seek coaching or counseling in order to deal with their emotions. They tend to stuff their feelings aside and find other ways to cope with the overwhelm that they are feeling. Doing this only keeps those feelings around even longer.
When we learn to manage our emotional selves, we will process and overcome the grief so that we can move on and to a better state of being. Working on your inside health makes your outside health better as well.