Lately I have been hearing the stories of women who are in their 40’s and 50’s who are ready to search for their life partner. I happen to believe love is the most amazing thing we can experience as humans on this planet so I get excited when someone embarks on this journey.
Before you dive-in to those dating sites or download the latest hook up app, let’s talk about what it means to get in the game so that you maximize your winning potential.
1. Love Yourselfie first.
By making yourself the most important person in your own world you will attract someone that will see you in the same light. Think of it as the way you see yourself, talk to yourself, and treat yourself, is the way that you will attract a man to treat you. Like attracts like, and if you want a King you need to BE a Queen.
Bring your highest viewpoint of yourself to the table. It does not mean hurry up and lose weight. When you are truly ready to accept love into your life you must love yourself to have a healthy relationship. Stay free of co-dependency and other disorders that affect relationships.
Accept yourself for the way you are now and find a way to love all your gifts and all that you have to offer. You have something that is uniquely yours so appreciate and focus on your features not the flaws.
2. Know exactly what you want and stick to it.
We need high standards and some criteria. When I was 16 that meant he had a letter jacket and drove a truck.
Now I always advise women to know exactly what they want in a man. Usually they can come up with huge laundry list of don’t wants, but they find it harder to articulate what it is they do want. In this case I tell them to think of the 5 most influential men in their lives including the ex, and write down all their greatest qualities. By creating your list of must-have attributes like personal and family values, core beliefs, spirituality, education, work values, the more compatible you will be with your mate. Don’t put too much weight on the physical attributes, allow actual attraction to be your guide.
Remember that the “don’t wants” are your red flags, as soon as your date is displaying one of those red flags, go to the bathroom and sneak out the back door.
3. Over-sharing is not sexy.
We’ve all done it, gone on a date and vomited our life story right in front of us only to be inspected and rejected. There is nothing wrong with answering the deep questions carefully. But when the pain and rawness of an event are still there backed with emotion, you would be raising his red flags and you may not be ready. In the case that a guy finds this attractive and interesting, again excuse yourself to the bathroom and sneak out the back door.
Sharing our life’s pains and heartaches happens over time as we build trust and openness with a new mate. Slowly stepping into this pond of revealing yourself is respectable but stripping your clothes off and jumping right in will leave you a over exposed.
4. No Sex before Monogamy!
Patti Stanger says it every episode of the “Millionaire Matchmaker.” There is too much emotional risk involved in having sex too early before the real connection is solid. Men are more able to separate sex and emotion, where women risk getting more attached with intimacy.
Take this step with care and do your best to know he is authenticly into you before you make that emotional and physical connection.
5. Get Out.
You are not going to find your next date by sitting on the coach watching “The Bachelor”. You are also not limited to dating sites. For women that have been out of the dating scene awhile I recommend they go to social events like fund-raisers or classes for art, dance and cooking just meet more people.
Meet-ups (meetup.com) are a great way to meet new people with similar interests or to try something adventurous and new. Making new friends with new social circles is a great way to get set up! Dating friends of friends is also a little safer as your friend can then vouch for their character.
Don’t be afraid to check out your friends’ friends on Linked In or Facebook. Get others thinking about whom they may set you up with.
But most of all, have a great time and enjoy yourself, this is what living your life is all about.